rmartin_justme (rmartin_justme) wrote in ripshivedheart,
rmartin_justme
rmartin_justme
ripshivedheart

Do you ever feel like you have read the entire internet?

Sometimes, whole days go by before I check twitter, lj, or even facebook, and there has been so much stuff, I know I just can't catch up to it all (and a lot of it isn't worth the effort, to be honest.) Then I have stretches like this, where I have nothing but time, and even twitter moves at a snail's pace. Maybe I should follow more than 40 people... Anyhow, I decided to go re-read parts of Kelly's journal. It's really hard, especially her last entries that were full of pain and searches for help that could not be given. But under that she was always so tough, and looked for joy and kindness where ever she could.

Anyone who has read my lj knows that I am going through some stuff myself right now. Totally different from Kelly, because my diagnosis and treatment is straight forward, but still scary, and I have still had to spend a few nights in the hospital because of it. Part of me is relieved that I don't have to burden her with my problems. She had enough second hand encounters with cancer! But selfishly, I wish I had her to talk to. She could always make me laugh until I cried.

I wish I could have done more for her when she was alive - seen her more, talked to her on the phone more. You can't change the past, you can only learn from it.
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